Nancy… your post was wonderfully authentic and very bold. thank you for walking up to that fire breathing dragon and daring to scratch him behind his ears. I hope that some of what you saw will help you to embrace a new relationship with Nick.

As for me… and the Power Of Choice. I had a very hard week in some ways, but I kept working on the awareness that I always have a choice…and I can choose to do something to feel better.

So, when I was VERY down in the dumps on Friday – crying off and on and everything I CHOSE to accept a dinner invitation from my boss instead of being alone and having a pity party. I didn’t WANT to go to dinner… but I stayed open to the possibility that it could be fun… and it was WONDERFUL. Really wonderful.

Then Saturday I CHOSE to stay in bed a lot of the day instead of doing chores. I rested my body and mind. I gave myself permission to relax. And then in the afternoon I got my hair cut and went shopping for good healthy good.

Sunday I CHOSE to really go FULL OUT with my Trapeze lesson, even though I was feeling more timid than I had previously – really stretching those bold muscles now!!! And I made another big move and learned a new trick which incorporated a nearly blind “catch”. EEK!!! God that stuff is great.

So… for my choices this week I think being aware that there ARE choices was in and of itself a really wonderful theme.

Choices in opposition to what I desire:

+ Not enforcing house rules and invoking consequences for things like incompletely done chores, because I am afraid of his temper and didn’t want more holes punched in the walls and doors slammed so hard they break.

+ Saying things in a bitchy way when I’m pissed off, as though I think that being verbally nasty is going to make me feel better.

+ Pointing out the obvious in a superior way, using the trite parental lines that must be hundreds of years old (e.g., “Well, if you’d go to bed earlier, you wouldn’t have so much trouble getting up for school” or “If you’d put your shoes away where they belong, you wouldn’t have to look for them in the morning.”) Ugh, how I HATED it when my mother used those time-worn lines.

+ Expecting Nick to respect my preferences about a thousand little details, such as where to put shoes (in the closet), while not respecting his preferences about things like where to put shoes (in the living room by the couch).

+ Choosing not to go out with friends evenings or weekends because I didn’t trust Nick home alone, then complaining that I don’t have a life.

+ Jabbering on at length to Nick, when I know he doesn’t like to be “talked at,” and gets very annoyed when one uses a lot of words about almost any subject.

+ Inviting Nick out to eat, then refusing to bring home a carryout meal for him when he refuses to accompany me. Again, I want him to respect my wish for company in the restaurant, without respecting his wish to not eat in public with his granny. (That’s so uncool in our little town. Only the most self-confident teens are ever seen in the company of parents or even worse, grandparents.)

Ah. The picture I’m beginning to get here is that I say I want mutual respect, but I haven’t done much on my side to give respect. Or affection. Or acceptance. In other words, my side of the street is dirty, but I’m waiting for Nick to start cleaning his side first. Poor choice if I want the changes I say I do.

I have to go for now, but I plan to come back later and add a bunch more to this list.

And whaddya know? The 40-foot-tall, fire-breathing dragon likes to be scratched behind his ears. I have no idea how I got this close to him in the first place. This seems like the beginning of befriending him.

It helped me jump over the barrier that was keeping me from getting in here sooner!!!
The month is rolling by quickly and I haven’t stayed strong with my intention of writing in here often.

Today I choose to make myself /my writing strong by
Clarifying what I’m doing….when …..and for how long…..so that there is a clear
Space to think…to write……………
Create a plan of Action
Review my priorities….to do’s…..to don’ts……
Be aware of what is going on with me…..give myself the quiet so that I can notice…..
My writing…..direct to blog-public and blog-mona ….sharing myself on both levels
Allowing my writing to be a fulfilling as eating….let it be joyful….let it be a release
Let it be an expression….a gift…..

After delaying my posting on my blog, thinking I’d soon have my new blog up, I decided to get posting even though it is on my old blog. I changed the header myself while waiting for my new logo to be created. I have posted on my blog daily for the past week….
You can check it out here: http://www.exuberantproductivity.com

I just checked to see if my new domain was forwarding there and even though it shows it forwarded, it doesn’t work… new domain is http://www.alzheimerscoach.com

My new Wordpress blog is “Alzheimer’s In The Family..
Staying Sane, Healthy, and Professional When Your Parent Has Alzheimer’s. I was really happy to see that a couple of days ago when I searched for “Alzheimer’s in the Family” in quotes, there were over 1000 results and I had two results on the 1st page!! Nice reward for my recent blog posts.

I’m looking forward to getting my new blog completed. I have worked MANY hours on the process and have gotten stuck on some issues. I am in a 12 week Become a Blogging Maniac course with Bea Fields and we’re working on the technical parts as well as writing and SEO.

I narrowed down my focus from “family challenges” to the “alzheimer’s in the family” one. With my research on words being searched and my marketing training emphasizing being very specialized, I trust this will be a great way to connect with professional women who have a parent with Alzheimer’s.

So, choices I’ve made:

1. Getting posting even though new blog isn’t ready
2. Changing my focus from family challenges to Alzheimer’s in the Family
3. Choosing not to get frantic about the new blog…just keep taking steps to completion while posting regularly on the old blog.

Great to read everyone’s posts!

I am also going straight home after work tonight so I can “veg” as this will be my last evening at home before heading to the farm for the next 3 nights.

And I probably won’t fly on Thursday, so I will either shoot or ride the horses instead. I will fly on the weekend, maybe twice (have to see how much my body can endure). My bosses are paying for one session just cause they are such great guys and they want to support me in HAVING FUN!

I am definately looking forward to Friday night alone with the animals. They are good for my soul and I miss them very much.

And then riding on Saturday – and getting my hair cut – and dinner with Joe.

So… some fun and some rest…. so far it feels like these are good choices for me right now.

Rest. I don’t get enough rest. I don’t get enough down time. I don’t sleep enough. I sometimes forget how to relax.

List of choices I have made that were in direct opposition to this desire.

Taking my worries to bed and losing sleep just spinning them instead of working on a plan of action.

Not taking time to journal, enjoy hot baths, or meditate before going to bed.

Choosing to stay up late to indulge in good sex (sometimes a wise decision – LOL), worthless tv, or really consuming a good book – but knowing it was going to cost me the next day.

Coaching too late in the evening instead of taking care of myself.

Not being home early enough, and then getting home late and needing to unwind in “my space”.

Not going to the beach often enough, even though it is less than a mile away.

Not giving my body the exercise it needs to want sleep. Often I am tired, but restless.

Working too much.

Choices I can make THIS week to support this desire.

Getting home by 9:30 every night and in bed by 10:15.

Giving myself the gift of time alone on Friday night – at for periods of hours while at the farm (I am horse sitting for my ex while he is out of town for the weekend)

Continuing to HAVE FUN….. trapeze again on Thursday (cancelling shooting in favor of flying)… riding a lot over the weekend….

This is what I see for you in finishing it.

A HUGE sense of satisfaction and pride.

An ENORMOUS feeling of being within your integrity and an appreciation of all that you have learned through this very long process.

Tangible elements of GRATITUDE for all the people who have believed in you, your work, your insight, your ability to articulate it, your creative powers and the truely amazing gift that you and this manual are….born solely out of your intention.

An indescribable sense of relief.

A big inflow of cash.

New business from your existing client base and other coaches who want to experience, first hand, many of the exercises that you have included.

Requests for more teleclasses using the manual as a skeleton.

Passive Income projects selling what will surely be “topic driven” uses of the exercises (Workbooks surrounding such issues as employment, relocation, starting a family, etc etc)

Ahhhh….. this has me chomping at the bit to help you…. is there anything any of us can do to feed your engine?????

Then you can make the list of things you’ve done that have been taking you away from your goal about that particular thing.

Or you can hide behind the rock and wait for the dragon to spit one of the areas over to you so you can pick it up after it cools off and then see what it says. :-)

Your bees and mushroom hunting adventures sound neat! Do you happen to have a blog or website where you put any of your pictures online?

My family spent some time with a friend when we were growing up who lived in an orange orchard and he had bees also. I was fascinated by them and the humming buzzing sound of so many in one spot.

- Choosing to ignore it.

- Believing the stories in my mind that made it seem hard, scary, and annoying.

- Telling myself “I don’t know how to do it.”

- Seriously contemplating not finishing it at all and just starting to make amends with each person who pre-ordered.

- Wearing myself out trying to finish it and then getting literally SICK of the project altogether.

- Not knowing how to ask for the kind of help that I might need.

2 New Choices I can take that will get me closer to the desired outcome of the manual being done.

1) Reread the order page for the manual and reconnect with the fun, excitement, and positive energy I had toward the project in the beginning.

2) Do some inner work about the manual and visualize how my life is going to be different on the other side of this project so that I can be pulled into the work with that inspiration.

I chose over the weekend to hunt for mushrooms. I found 40 and was so excited. I felt like myself again for that afternoon. I can’t believe how excited it made me. That night I went out with my husband and friends and the joy continued. One of the women in the group asked me how much I had been drinking. I was just happy in my own skin. Which doesn’t happen that often.

Today my bees came in. Tonight we are going to put them in the box with some help. I’ve never had bees before. I am hoping that I will experience some of the mushroom joy with this project also.