As for the plan of action on this side of life.

My sis in law left this morning after a spectacular weekend wherein we ate well, fondue on Friday, gourmet meal cooked by Joe on Sat, Horses and Trapeze on Sunday and twice to the beach in between. AHHHHH

I have finally found a “temporary” resting place in the plan wherein I have decided the only thing I need to plan is going to work responsibly (cause when I didn’t I got into that fender bender just to set me straight) and going to trapeze twice a week until they leave at the end of May because it is busting stuff loose faster than anything else I have ever done.

I think standing on the edge of your fears, stretching yourself in such a physical, mental and emotional way ALL AT THE SAME TIME, and busting through what you always thought possible…. I think it’s great therapy. :)

And hopefully I will get there 3 more times before I go to talk to the therapist. And then we will see. Oddly, I have found myself feeling much more grounded than … well… than I have in a LONG time – and smiling practically non stop too…. so, therapy? Why? What for? I can’t seem to remember. And maybe that’s part of the Grand Plan of which I am not in control….. ahhhh freedom. It’s a good thing.

But I will go and see what she has to say… and I wonder what “card” we will be on that week. LOL

So, it appears to me that I am obviously on a “need to know basis” and I guess I don’t need to know much else —> yet. So, I’m trying to get comfy there.

And that’s the plan.

OK.. onto this week’s card!

What I love that’s happening, is that this week’s assignment is doing me. I’m just along for the ride. Just excitedly emailing back and forth with a great friend while the plan makes itself.

We want to write an account of a couple moving to the country looking for the simple life, as a vehicle for showing the woman’s spiritual and/or emotional growth that took place as a result of the move. The story’s structure is hers, but the growth is something we both have found in the urban/rural, yankee/southern, rushed/tranquil, manmade/natural transitions and contrasts.

What we haven’t decided is if we want to fictionalize for privacy (if so, we’re thinking Cameron Diaz and Matthew McConaughey for the movie). Do we do recipes for hush puppies or deeply spiritual moments? Or both? How funny we should try to be? And so on.

Planning includes debates about whether we want to start with a blog so we’re publishing anecdotes immediately while building an audience AND credibility for the publisher who’ll buy the book. We’re even discussing how to organize the flow of words this has started for both of us.

For some reason, I have confidence (unusual for me) that the plan is going to continue to build itself. So on to the new week’s assignment as soon as it arrives. (Make that ‘peek at the new assignment to see how scary it looks.’)

Can I pretend to be your sis-in-law and come for a weekend sometime soon? I may be a bit old for flying through the air with any ease at all — I take my adrenaline in smaller doses these days. But I’m a great cheering section for others who want to do it, and I can still eat fondue with the best of ‘em. It sounds to me as if you have this fun business well in hand.

Glad you’re still on track with the mental assignment, even if the universe saw fit to rearrange the timing a little. Now THAT sounds like a fascinating project you’re undertaking. Do, please, keep us posted.

So the assignments are scaring you off? How can that be? The assignment is just sitting there, waiting to be invited in….. maybe it’s your thoughts about something that are scaring you off! hee hee

I love the idea of you writing a book. Of course I loved that idea years ago and in response to it I started writing my memoir of my adoption reunion and 23 chapters into it I lost my oomph and stopped. Hum.. maybe I need to finish that at some point.

Even if it didn’t ever get published I think it could help a lot of people feel less isolated as they walked through their own journey….

So, in your 10,000 words with your friend what kind of topics for a book came up? I would love to hear if you’d care to share.

On my front my sister in law arrived today and we had a really nice time wandering through the grocery store finding all kinds of yummy foods. Then we decided to treat ourselves to a glorious and very decedant fondue dinner complete with cheese, main course and chocolate (ying/yang – white/dark chocolate). ahhhhh

And tonight we found some you tube videos of the trapeze thing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoFYONrfeP4) and I will call tomorrow to see if there is any room open on Sunday as she’d like to give it a try.

I did get a call from the therapist moving my first session from next Tuesday to the following Thursday as her schedule changed… so that was a little disappointing, but i=I guess for some reason it is going to be “for” me.

So, the “fun” assignment seems to be moving right along and the mental assignment is still on track – just postponed a little bit.

I guess that is pretty much all the update I have at the moment….

I wonder what next week’s card will offer…..

No, you’re not scaring me off the blog. The assignments are.

I read this week’s card and immediately a goal that would give me a huge sense of having lived an extra-ordinary year popped into my head: have a book sold (if not yet fully written). That took two seconds.

And within another second, my negative thoughts took over with 365 reasons why it isn’t advisable, feasible, doable, etc. bullshit. Sometimes I think I spent most of my life earning a double PhD in negativity and depression. I am really outstanding at shooting things down.

However, some small, half-hidden part of me was so excited by the book idea it didn’t let go. Instead, it mentioned to an email friend that she and I ought to do a book together, her story and my writing knowhow.

It hit her like it did that part of me, and we’ve probably traded 10,000 words in the past five days on who, what, where, when and how.

So I guess I’d better create a plan of action here, since the goal kind of took over its own life.

I haven’t gone back and done any of last week’s exercise on taking back my power. I had good intentions, but it still feels too scary. Because I feel like a failure and pretty powerless in every area of my life I can think of.

Maybe some other time. I can see doing another round of these cards and assignments next year.

As for the trapeze lesson…. OH MY GOD. This was the most amazing, terrifying, uplifting, exhilerating, experience. The lesson was for 2 hours and there were 6 of us in the group, although one woman mostly watched so really just five of us taking our turns.

The platform was about 50 feet up and I think climbing the ladder was the most dangerous part of the day (strictly speaking), but standing on the edge of the platform, grasping that trapeze bar with one hand as the instructor held onto the back of your belt… and then releasing the other hand from the post to grab the trapeze and lean out……

and then let go…. as you fell, and swung through the air… much faster than you thought it would be – and farther…

And at the end of the first swing away from the platform you pull your knees up and slide them between your hands and over the bar…. then you swing back towards the platform and release your hands so you are swinging by your knees upside down… and as you swing away again you arch your back and LOOK toward the horizon…. as the net below you flies by….

Then you pull yourself up, unhook your knees and do a back flip into the net.

At least that was the plan. The first time I did it ok. The second time I got “lost” when I was upside down and swung an extra pass or two until Icould get my bearings… the 3rd and 4th times it was great!

Then the “catcher” climbed up….. and when you were arching your back and looking for him – he swung toward you, grasping your wrists and you released your bar from behind your knees and swung wide and far and fast under him!!!!!

Oh My God…… talk about doing something you didn’t think you could do…. it was pretty incredible.

All I can say is I can’t wait to go back. They do evening classes and I think I will be part of some of them. This is a travelling troupe and they will be here in Miami until the end of May….. so – no excuses – I will confront that fear again…. reach up, lean out and LET GO!!!!!

You’re doing amazing.

Is there anything that your body needs more of as you create all this moving forward in your life? Are you rested? Getting enough water? Eating foods that make your body feel good?

Looking forward to hearing about TRAPEZE! Soaring through the air. Ahhh. Feels like freedom when I think about it. And trust. I’ve been thinking a lot about self-trust lately.

Going to go read your other posts about what your experience with anger…

Hugs!

On with the plan of action.

I have an appt with the therapist for next Tuesday afternoon. Until then I guess I focus on the fun part. Maybe riding the horses later today. Trapeze tomorrow morning. Eckhart Tolle study group tomorrow night. Company coming on Friday.

I did, however, start my morning with my brand new journal. I wrote for a good 20 – 25 min and it was interesting where my inner dialog took me. So, I will continue that tomorrow. I think I need to follow it with the little morning yoga routine though to rebalance me before I venture forth into the world!

And, today I went and visited my ex (Jim, who I was with for 15 years) to get his perspective on this whole situation. It was a little hard to call him and ask to come to see him stating that I needed personal feedback… but it was empowering (last week’s card) at the same time. (I have learned that asking for help almost always is) We chatted and I cried for about 30 min. He reassured me about the long list of wonderful qualities I have and that he believes I am more than capable of tackling this challenge. As he says, “There’s nothing quite like Christi On A Mission”. And, I guess he is right.

I also sent an email to my birthmom to open a dialog, but no response yet. That was kind of a chicken way to handle it, but I didn’t feel up to just calling and I still wanted/needed to move forward. So, we will see.

I guess tomorrow I will call the therapist to see what her schedule looks like.

On a more positive note my friend Bob recommended that one of his tax clients come to me for coaching, since I have been helping him. So, tonight I did an Inquiry session with her and it was really fun to hear the light bulbs go off as she discovered that she really kinda did NOT want her father-in-law to suddenly become “fair”. ha ha So, I am looking forward to working with her in the future.

I also confirmed my appointment for the trapeze lesson on Thursday.

AND, I sent off the check to the credit card company to pay off my $8,100 balance. Except for any misc charges I have added in the last week or so, I am now 100% debt free…. and that is the result of having really created a plan of action a little while back!

I also got my sister-in-law’s flight plans and her “shopping list” so I can have the apartment stocked before she arrives for a really great weekend.

And I continued on with Week #9’s card “Become the person you want to be” in my response to a friend who is feeling awfully responsible for my recently hurt feelings. I stood in my highest self and declared that it is ME who hurts my feelings and ME who disappoints me… just like it is ME who excites me and ME who sometimes lives with a huge sense of anticipation. It’s all about the story I’m in. So, I released my friend from carrying that burden and in doing so really stepped into being the person I want to be.

I guess that’s my update. Sorry if I am hogging this blog… but thank you for tolerating me. It’s good for me to have a place to go to feel accountable.

OK… to answer the questions on the back of the card.

What is the measurable result I want to achieve….? Going 6 months without an explosion that has an element of “splitting” in it. Getting mad is one thing – splitting off is another.

How will I know when it’s accomplished? When 6 months have passed and I haven’t done it.

What is the time frame in which I will accomplish this. I’d like to give me 8 months, figuring that I may need a couple months head start.

What three actions can I take this week that will move me toward the fulfillment of this goal?

1. Call the therapist recommended to me and get an appointment.

2. Start journaling – morning pages – sometimes it’s amazing what comes up through them.

3. Reinvolve myself in a dialog with my birthmother since that is where a lot of this seems to stem from.