I love the 3 questions on the back of this week’s card she suggests we ask ourselves – especially the second one about worthiness. Hmmm.

Hmmm back at you, Mona. Considering the amount of self-sabotage and lost results in my average day, I oughta be able to earn about a gazillion points this week. That’ll help make up for the fortnight where I sulked.

I read something I liked yesterday: “Do you love your kids? If so, you owe it to them to take very good care of their parent.” I like the idea of using the obvious love we feel for another to help find our love for ourselves. I guess that pertains more to the first question than the second.

I am traveling this week and don’t have my kit with me. Would anybody be willing to type up what the card says? I’d love to pay attention to this week’s theme it even (or especially!) while I’m away from home.

THANK YOU!!

Christine

Here you go, Christine. I think I’ll type up the card, then make a separate comment about it and other matters. First:

Intercepting Self-Sabotage

When we’re not producing the results that we say we want, we can be sure that we’re sabotaging ourselves somewhere. Self-sabotge is an indication that we’re punishing ourselves for something, and not treating ourselves as the worthy, special, and important people that we are.

If you find yourself making choices that either consciously or unconsciously derail you from attaining your desired goals; if you know of things you should be doing, and time and time again you don’t do them; if you say you’re committed to one outcome and your actions reflect that you’re committed to another, the remedy is simple: Self-love is the antidote to self-sabotage.

This week, examine each area of your life and identify your self-sabotaging behaviors. Close your eyes and ask yourself, “What am I punishing myself for?” Then, identify an action step you can take this week that will support you in forgiving yourself for that.

In addition, take a momemnt to answer these questions before you make a choice that could lead you in the wrong direction:

** Would someone who loves themselves make this choice?

** Is this action an expression of someone who feels worthy of having everything they desire?

** Is this an act of self-love, or is it an act of self-sabotage?

Self-Love Points Earned: Give yourself 100 points every time you intercept an act of self-sabotage.

I don’t agree with the ideas exprssed in this card. Though it would fix the whole thing if the first sentence were changed. She says, “When we’re not producing the results that we say we want, we can be sure that we’re sabotaging ourselves somewhere.” I say, “When we’re not producing the results that we say we want, one possible reasons is that we’re sabotaging ourselves somewhere.”

The possibility of self-sabotage is certainly important enough to spend a self-love week on, but I don’t see it as the only reason we don’t succeed. What about everything from unrealistic goals to secondary gains from failure?

That said, my typing up the card for Christine is a form of self-sabotage: delaying sitting down to work on my very complicated, extensive and messy income taxes. (I fight doing taxes every year, and this year I’m trying to change that, including aiming for April 15 instead of October 15.)

As I realized my tax-avoidance behavior, I thought about not taking the five minutes to type up the card. But I wanted to do that for Christine, so it was a conscious choice. Is that still self-sabotage? Did I just sacrifice 100 points? (That’s all right, Christine is worth it.)

And if my self-sabotage is a prevalent as I suspect, I ought to have plenty of time to earn plenty of other points this week.

Thank you Nancy! I really appreciate it!!

PS: Will post more later. Back to family time… :)

I love Debbie’s Book, The Right Questions…. and the third question on the back of this card is one I ask myself frequently… Is this an act of self love – or is it an act of self sabotage?

Sometimes seeing the self sabotage part is hard because I can find reasons (excuses) about the action…. but asking if it is self love or not is always really clear to me.

Here are some of the ways I practiced self love, instead of self sabotage this week.

1. Instead of coming straight home to my empty apartment every night this week I did spontaneous things after work 3 evenings. That intercepted feeling “lonely” for me.

2. Instead of staring at my income tax info for yet ANOTHER weekend I called the tech support guy in India (on Friday night) and explained an issue I was having with Turbo Tax … he downloaded the answer to me and my return was done in 2 hours! That intercepted procrastination and “not being responsible” all at one time!

3. Instead of pushing too hard at work and feeling like a slave numerous days in a row, I worked REALLY hard on Wed (14 hours) and then rewarded myself with no extra hours on Thursday and Friday. That intercepted feeling like I was powerless over my schedule!

4. Instead of living with my back being out of wack, I met the chiropractor as his office at 8:00 am and followed my adjustment with an hour massage. If that’s not self love, nothing is. :)

5. Instead of not knowing how much money I had in my checking account since I’ve been too busy to go to the bank for 3 weeks and haven’t checked my balance in just as long, I made the time to make a big deposit AND I reconciled my account AND I laid out a budget to be OUT OF DEBT 100% by the end of April (2 months ahead of schedule thanks to a healthy refund from my taxes!) That intercepted a lot of bank overdraft charges and the feeling of being stupid about my finances!

6. Instead of spending too much time alone – and allowing some self pity to creep in – I have called a bunch of my friends this week, I have really given myself permission to BASK in my alone time and a couple of hot baths, and I have indulged my senses with fresh food, good music, amazing incense and that fantastic massage. This intercepted feeling stuck in my emotions and got me back into my “body” and interacting sensually with the world around me.

7. I have been feeling pretty lousy for months about not doing much coaching and intimidated by some of the technology related to my website and blog. (The longer I was away from it the scarier it got!) I love coaching and I love supporting the adoption triad. So last night I intercepted this feeling of being inadequate, useless (in that regard), and a coward in the face of technology and jumped back into my website and it’s email account. I already did one free sample session! And it felt great to not sabotage myself through inactivity anymore AND to support someone who needed it, co-incidentally, RIGHT THEN!!!!

I’ve got no idea where I am on points, but I think this combined with some of last weeks “What’s Your Story” revelations should bring me to another 1,000 points. Hum… not sure what that reward will be….

This past week was bad at work. Instead of falling into the trap, I had Fiesta Friday. I brought in decorations, and food. We relaxed for our 30 min lunch and had a little fun. I think it was great for team building. In the midst of our crisis I think my team is building stronger bonds.

Great job, you two. I love how Rachel didn’t fall into the trap (I did this week). And Christi, I’m amazed week after week at the way you jump on the card and fly off into dozens of self-care ideas.

I typed up the card to post here for Christine (so you know I read it), then got sick and forgot all about working on it till yesterday, when I actually remembered to look up the new week’s assignment. One thing I’ll do in coming weeks is post the assignment where I can’t miss seeing it daily.

Guess I’m into self-sabotage right now. Fortunately, I can keep on working on the assignment as long as I need to.

Thanks, you guys, for sharing your successes. It helps to inspire me.

CHRISTI: Care to comment further about the book? I haven’t seen it, and my house is so loaded with books that I try hard to stick to a “get one/give one away” rule. So I’d like to know more before I jump in and then have to part with an old friend.

I have a question and would like to hear from you guys if you have any thoughts:

I’m just reading “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford. One of the exercises is to see which 5 qualities you wouldn’t want to be written about you in a newspaper article.

One of them was the idea because I entered the market (let’s say being a coach or facilitator of The Work), she took away from others. The idea that there is not enough for all and that due to my greediness or inconsideration others suffer.

So, I hear all the stuff about abundance, that there is enough for everyone, that it’s not possible to take away from someone else, that I would only reach people that wouldn’t be reached by the others etc. But I just don’t believe it. I’m trying to figure out where I picked up that limiting belief to work with it.

I have noticed that I can get excited about being a facilitator or coach (or another business) but once I really start sticking my head out and beginning to offer, that belief is really limiting me. It comes in the form of
“You have no right to get into that!”
“You are taking business away from others.”
“They’ll be mad at you.”
“They’ll badmouth you/try to hurt you/try to kick you out/will criticize you/find the holes etc.”
“You are not original.”
“You are just copying.”
“Only the ones who come up with original stuff have the right to do it.”

So, I’d like to hear what your take on abundance is. Or any other words of wisdom you could share about it.

I’d love to spread my wings and break through this block.

Thank you,
Christine

Hi Christine,

As I read your post, I hear so clearly that the critical place, the barrier, loves you and wants to protect you.

It doesn’t want you to expose yourself to the possibility of failure by trying this. It doesn’t want you to look bad to others. It wants others to think well of you and like you.

When I encounter my own protective places, I try to embrace them instead of hating them, to wrap my mental arms around them instead of striking out, trying to crash through.

That’s fear for your wholeness and well-being — maybe from unhealed childhood places?

I once moaned to a friend, “How the hell can I live my life when it seems as if I’ve always gotta be hugging a scared inner child?” To which she wisely replied, “And how well can you live your life if you don’t console that child?”

Love, Nancy

Nancy… about “The Right Questions” by Debbie Ford.

I really like it. I actually have this “flip chart” in my head that I TRY to remember to use when life is giving me a situation I need direction on…. and some of Debbie’s Questions are very helpful.

My favorite is about faith or fear… from which perspective am I living…. and what would I do if I had NO fear. That’s always a real eye opener.

My other favorite question is, “Am I Choosing from My Divinity or Am I Choosing from My Humanity?”…. this always helps me to step UP (into my higher self) and OUT (of my ego) to make the choice that is truly in alignment with who I am….

Here is a link to a little article that might be of interest to you… ENJOY!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/91280/the_right_questions_by_debbie_ford.html

Thanks, Christi.

@Nancy:
Thank you for your response. Yeah, there’s definitely truth to that. I read something the other day. The author said if you are committed to getting/doing a certain thing you will. There’s no other way. But if you don’t, then you are not really committed to what you are saying you are. That there is some underlying commitment that is even more important. And I realized that commitment for me is staying safe.

If I stick out my head I make myself a target to criticism. My story is that if I truly show my greatness other people will envy me and withdraw. So I keep my light small. If I am not better than others, I get to stay included. If I rise above and really go for it, people won’t like me anymore.

I did some good forgiveness work the other day but just as I am writing this, I notice how there’s still something left. I used to be a handball player. At 12 the professional leagues came screening for talents. Somebody from my team overheard the coaches say that I was the second best. We had one superstar that was definitely going to make it into the professional sports school, so everyone for fighting for the second place. It was likely that only 2 would be selected. I didn’t know about that comment. All of a sudden the whole team stopped avoiding me and nobody talked to me anymore. I had no clue what was going on. Instead of just confronting someone or speaking up in team gathering, I quietly assumed the victim position. Eventually, I found out what it was. I made it mean that it’s not safe to be good. Voila! A story was born. :)

Good stuff to look into.

I still am wondering about the practical aspect though:

When I offer something professionally, it has to be original, has it not? Of course, if you are a certified something, you can offer that, or if you declare and give credit to the source.

And then the philosophical side: If I enter a market, then that means less for everyone that was in the market before I came in, right?

@Christi
Thanks for the link to the 10 Questions. I had been wanting to make a little card for my wallet. Now you’ve saved me the time to type them up. Thanks! :)