CHRISTI — I like the way you restated the interaction with your boss. And congrats on that long, hard discussion you had with Joe. To me, the big difference is between doing the thing and not doing it. HOW I did it can always use further refining and tweaking. So I always try to give me at least a 99 for achievement, with maybe a 1 point deduction for style being less than superb.

As for my results: On the 3rd, I did everything except work on taxes.

On Saturday the 4th, a friend arrived to help with gardening at 8 a.m., and by the time we were through I was so exhausted I never got to the blog. Nonetheless:
1. I succeeded beyond my plans and expectations at having fun. First spontaneously taking off for yardsale-ing all morning, then gardening in the afternoon including a few indulgences at the nursery. And if succeeding at having fun isn’t success, I don’t know what is. I don’t ever want to limit success to making money and doing accounting.
2. Fun, see above.
3. Self-care, quitting when I was exhausted and sitting out the evening entirely, reading and watching a little TV.

Sunday the 5th I had a piercing headache and nausea all day. Not a migraine, but similar.
1. Success – I succeeded extremely well at taking care of me. I rested and relaxed all day, napped lots. Today (Monday) the headache is gone.
2. Fun, under the circumstances, a few dreams were the entertainment highlights.
3. Self-care – the best.

So, I think that this week I earned another 1,000 points. I have no idea what reward I want for this…. but when I figure one out I’ll post it.

4. Be courageous and allow myself to let go emotionally… heal the past… feel my feelings and see where they take me.

I spent 5 hours today talking with Joe… discussing our relationship. I stayed in my integrity as far as expressing my care, my truth, my opinions, my desire for him to not be hurt – to protect himself, and to know that I have pulled WAYYY back. I also was very honest about my selfish desire to not lose our friendship.

I think I failed in that I left him feeling hopeful for a reconciliation… even though my words conveyed the opposite – but that was, if it did in fact happen, a result of part of me “allowing myself to let go emotionally” and so my love for him showed. I am trying to stay in my business and remember that it is my job to be honest and it is his job to follow his path.

Anyway, a big part of me feels free…. and another part of me feels that I still have a way to go to become the person I want to be…. but this week I made some significant moves in that direction.

I wrote: 1. Be straight with my boss (practice honesty/integrity) about how he is dealing with some of our vendors. I started dealing with our vendors in a way that was honest and simply telling my boss he couldn’t continue to manipulate them… so far things are going well and it feels great to be standing up for what is right.

OK.. let’s see if I can state my position without tossing judgements all over my boss….

I started dealing with our vendors in a way represents my own values. I also expressed these to my boss in an open conversation about how – and why – my behavior changed this week.

Hum… yes, I think that’s a more accurate statement of what really happened and it lightened the burden inside my mind.

Thanks for the prompt!!!

And, I bet if you get your taxes done you’ll feel lighter too! Go for it!

And I also had some thoughts about your item #1. Do expressions like ‘manipulate,’ ‘he couldn’t continue’ and ‘what is right’ say anything to you? I’m judging (!) that the first and third are a bit judgmental. And the second: Is it true that he couldn’t continue?

I’m all for what you’re doing. Would it seem worthwhile to you to try describing it neutrally?

PARTICIA — So nice of you to chime in here. Like Christi, I’m looking forward to hearing what sexy, sparkling, determined actions you’re going to take. Please share.

ME: Yesterday, I went to bed at 8:45 and immediately climbed back out when I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since barbeque at noon. It was more like 9:15 when I got back. On the other hand, feeding myself lightly and healthily before bedtime seems to me to qualify as self-nurturing.

Today:

1. Success: I’m going to deliver those invoices. I already heard from my author that he loved what I’d done with the book proposal, even if (or possibly because) it was ten times as much as I’d been asked to do. And I plan to do an hour on my income taxes, which could just possibly finish that hated job.
2. Fun: Today it’s food. Home-made ricotta cheese cooling in the fridge. (And I’m saving the whey to make home-made sauerkraut for grandson Chris, the one who doesn’t live here anymore.) Dough for home-made bread rising on the counter. Pork slow-simmering in the crockpot for my own barbeque, yesterday’s tasted so good. (And, I can feed a guest tomorrow and grandson Nick all weekend with minimal additional cooking.)
3. Self-nurturing: What I want most to do is sit in the sun (under my sunscreen, of course) and enjoy the blue sky, brisk chilly breeze, brilliant spring greens and birds everywhere. We’ll see if I make it, amid cooking, errands and taxes.

Patricia… so how’s it feel to be determined, sexy and sparkling?? Do tell!

Over the last couple of days I have been working on this week’s card… and it feels great!

1. Be straight with my boss (practice honesty/integrity) about how he is dealing with some of our vendors. I started dealing with our vendors in a way that was honest and simply telling my boss he couldn’t continue to manipulate them… so far things are going well and it feels great to be standing up for what is right.

2. Tell my boss (practice honesty/integrity) about the agreed to paid days off and how I think they should be accounted for. I already did this! :)

3. Be courageous and allow myself to reach out to new people now, try new things, and move steadily forward. This could include going to the new Eckhart Tolle study group on Thursday and maybe the Self Discovery Group on Wednesday. Tonight I went to the Eckhart Tolle study group and it was nice…. really nice. It will be happening twice a month and I’m really looking forward to deepening my involvement in it. I think next week I will go to the Self Discovery Group on Wed night too.

4. Be courageous and allow myself to let go emotionally… heal the past… feel my feelings and see where they take me. Start reading Spiritual Divorce and prepare myself for whatever is next in my personal life. I started reading the Spiritual Divorce book and I’m allowing myself to feel both the gratitude and the pain of my recently (within the last 2 years) ended relationships. Surprisingly, as I do this I am feeling – in equal measure – the hope of a new relationship to come into my life and not only meet my expectations – but exceed them.

I find myself climbing out on the branch of vulnerability, only to be chased back by fear. But as I continue to hope and believe I open once again.

5. Continue to nurture the relationships I have at work using, whenever possible, humor. Make it point to bring laughter to at least 5 people daily. I’ve been good at this… laughing often and with lots of different people…. God it’s a joy. And Bob and I talk daily – and ALWAYS share a good laugh at least once.

6. Make a point of seeing at least 2 instances a day where life, even in the middle of chaos and drama, is really quite entertaining (allow joy to be present). Today it was me digging through pallets of merchandise looking for new items to enter into the system and thinking, “This is what I went to college for”…. and clearly hearing the answer – YES. ha ha I also found myself standing infront of a section in Barnes & Noble looking at fishing books. I don’t know much about fishing, but it’s something Bob loves and I thought it would be good for him to be able to talk with me about it – and it would help me to know what he was saying. Somehow the thought of this struck me as completely nuts… but in a wonderfully generous way nonetheless!

1. Found out the work is waiting on a deadline-missing author. The invoices did not get delivered. And I spent an hour on the phone with the TD Ameritrade guy, the nicest CSR I’ve talked to all year, who answered all my questions perfectly and cracked jokes too.
2. I gardened in the hour before sunset. The birdsong was unbelievable, the plants amazingly green. And I had a couple of good belly laughs with the grandsons, too.
3. Best color touchup I think I’ve ever given myself. My hair looks so nice. The bath was delightfully soothng. And the book was transformed into a fascinating magazine issue.

Now for today’s actions:
1. Success: I’ve already edited a book proposal and returned it today. I think I did a great job. We’ll see what the author and marketer think.
2. Fun: Editing the book proposal was quite fun because it’s a great-sounding book and I found lots to edit. But since I’ve already used the editing for success: I ate good ole southern barbeque with a friend on the deck at lunchtime–and me a damn Yankee–on a beautiful spring day. Listened to the variety (at least three distinct species) of frogs that inhabit my defunct inground pool in the back yard.
3. Self-love: I’m headed for bed now, at 8:45, because I’m tired. With a good book, of course.

And I was wrong. When I took Paleface to the vet yesterday, he (the cat) was so contented, laid back and purring that the vet suggested trying some different medications, since the cat obviously isn’t suffering. Talk about an 11th hour stay of execution!

Great work on your implementing actions yesterday. You’re such an inspiration to me this week on this card.

Here are my results from yesterday:
1. I didn’t jump on the work because it never came through. Instead, I jumped on my taxes.
2. Couldn’t find a sitcom I liked by the time I sat down to watch TV, so I settled for “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Some chuckles, but wouldn’t that show go out of business if they stopped showing blows to the crotch?
3. Paleface’s death is coming. The grief — who knows? I’ll find out when it happens. Heck, I could die first. So much for projecting that I think I’m going to feel in the future if I face something I may not ever encounter. Worrying about something as ephemeral as that: what a waste of THIS moment.

My proposed actions today.
1. Success: Find out where the anticipated work is. Deliver two invoices to another customer. Get on the phone with TD Ameritrade to get help with some undecipherables on my statements.
2. Fun: Go outside on this beautiful, blue-sky sunny spring day and play in the mud (my so-called garden), at least for a little while.
3. Self-love: Color my hair AND then take a long, hot bath tonight. Preferably with a good book in hand.